Health and the President

Okay people, two things have been bothering me lately.

I've never been too concerned about my health. Sure, I understand that I'm a little overweight, but that has only bothered my vanity. I was never worried about weight-related health issues.

Until recently that is.

In the last year, I've gained probably 20 pounds. I found out that my grandpa on my mom's side has had heart problems. I never really saw him in the hospital, so I never knew much about it. And obviously, I wasn't concerned for my own well-being. But also, my dad discovered that he is diabetic. And his dad had several heart attacks before dying of one when my dad was a teenager. He was also a diabetic.

Finding out my Dad is diabetic really hit me hard. I never expected it. And now, considering his dad's history, I worry about him a lot. That's what got me started wondering about me.

What really scared me was last weekend. I was watching a movie with my wife and I got to laughing too hard. Suddenly, I felt an intense pain in my chest. I have never felt that kind of pain before. I have had little chest twinges before, but usually those were chest cramps or indigestion. This was wholly different. I was scared. All I could think about was leaving my wife and kids behind alone. That was terrifying. Sure, I know that they would be okay. But it would devastate my wife. I couldn't do that to her. She depends on me for so much.

Turns out, I strained the cartilage that holds my ribs together in the front. It hurt for 3 days. It still hurts when I get a bad night's sleep or am stressed. But less each time, so I know it's healing.

Even so, it was a huge wake up call. As soon as I qualify for health insurance, I'm going to get a thorough check-up. Including a heart stress test. Truth be told, I haven't taken care of myself healthwise in a while. I haven't had health insurance for a long time. I need to go to a dentist, an eye doctor, an allergy doctor, a skin doctor and a regular doctor. Yikes! I hate doing that stuff. But it still needs to be done.

But that's only the first thing bothering me.

The second is the President. Well, not so much the President, but all of the e-mails I've recieved and comments I have heard about the President...from Christians no less!

Here's what GOD says about the president:
Romans 13:1-7
"Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgement on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience."

1 Timothy 2:1-4
"I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone-- for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth."

Hebrews 13:17
"Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of not advantage to you."

And finally, Philippians 2:14
"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the suniverse as you hold out the word of life--in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing."

God's word is clear: Honor authority and do not complain. Christians everywhere shouted this at the democrats when Bush was elected twice. But when the chips are down and someone you voted for is not elected, you must still support the President. You may disagree, but keep it to yourself unless you, too, are going into politics. I did not vote for Obama, and I don't like him, but according to God's word, I am required to respect and honor him. I can only pray to God about my disagreements. They are for His ears and no one else's. If you share in talking negatively about the President with anyone other than God, then you are SINNING.

The only time it is permitted to disobey authority is when it goes directly against God's word. But, you may only disobey, not shout about it from the rooftops that brings no honor to your cause. Let any disobedient actions speak for themselves.

That's all.

The word Like

So much misuse, so little time.

The word "like" is beginning to become a problem. Why only just now, you ask? Here's where the issue hits the fan: when the bad linguistic habits of one's youth follow one into adulthood and begin to affect even the older generations in a viral way that is all too literal (picture the word like as the exponentially growing monster from "The Blob"), then you have a problem.

Now for an illustration drawn from the writer's own life:
I remember distinctly when I started using the word like. I was in fifth grade and I was 11 years old. Just beginning my arduous journey through puberty, I suddenly noticed that everyone was saying it. It was similar to noticing breasts for the first time. Before, girls were cootie-carriers that you didn't want coming too close, and then suddenly, they grew these very adult looking lumps of flesh on their chests and became mysterious. Suddenly, they were everywhere!

You could compare it to burning popcorn. Things are popping along just fine and then, in an instant, the entire house is filled with a rank odor that stings the nostrils. In just a few seconds of inattention, your house is laden with stink that refuses to leave for days. "Like" was the same way. At first, being the late adopter of trends that I am, I hated the word. I thought it was incredibly stupid and lowered the intelligence of everyone involved.

I was right.

Just a few weeks later, after the entire fifth grade being inundated with the word, I used it improperly for the first time. I kicked myself internally for having used it, but like Pringles, you can't stop with just one.

Years later, I find myself becoming frustrated with my own over-frequent improper use of the word. When a habit gets so frequent that even the person performing it notices, there must be a problem. It's gotten to the point where I have to conciously scan for the word before I speak and think hard about an alternative word to use in it's place. The sad part is, I often can't think of the alternative.

So, belated New Year's resolution, maybe? No, that almost guarantees failure. How about just a good solid effort and lots of rubber bands to snap around my wrist. Good old corporal punishment -- Works every time!

ICE STORM OF THE YEAR!!!

Okay, well maybe not. But I did get to stay home yesterday, and I probably could have gotten away with it today. Unfortunately, stupid me decided to try to make it in anyway. I had probably 4 close-calls and got stuck behind a tractionless Mustang at 71st and Sheridan who had tried to turn right, but didn't use their momentum to get through. So they were stuck spinning their wheels.

This is where I should have felt sorry for the guy and tried to help.

The guy behind me pulled over to the right as if he would go around. I yelled at his image in my rearview mirror because I thought he was just circumventing the line. Well, he wasn't. He pulled over so he could get out and help push the guy. And the proverbial egg splats on my face. NOW I feel terrible. He gets them free and gets back to his car all before the light turns green again. Great. I AM a jerk.

So I get to work late this morning and it's only me and one other guy. The only guy who was here yesterday. So I'm kicking myself and wishing I had stayed in bed. Then the Sales Motivator, who is from ungodly cold Minnesota where apparently everyone is a blackbelt in driving on snow and ice, shows up for the sales meeting. Awesome.

So we have our meeting and things are tense as usual between Mr. Old-school Sales Motivator, who believes in cold-calling your way through the phone book for 12 hours a day, and the Sales guy, who knows that we can hire a company who is better at it and can cold-call for us for less. Awkward!

Now a few more people show up, but most everyone is still at home. Unfortunately enough people show up that there is no chance of leaving early. This is the point where I let out an internal scream of primal rage and angst. ARRRRGH!

Phew!

So now I get to enjoy a nice, hot bowl of Cinnamon Roll-flavored Oatmeal and do very little actual work. Oh well, maybe I can get stuck at home for lunch. I doubt it.

Have a nice day!

How to Make Home-Made Wall Hooks and Guacamole!

I wrote this article on eHow about home-made wall hooks. You should go check it out.

I wrote this article, because this is what I did at the office today. I made an improvised coat hook. Bet you had no idea I was this crafty. Eat your heart out McGuyver!

I also wrote How to Make Perfect Guacamole.

This site was started by a friend of mine. You should check it out:

"How to get more done, so you can have more fun!"

Yesterday I was able to show my boss some of the ad mock-ups for some tradeshow magazine ads and some direct mailers that we are doing. He said that he really liked them, which gave me a huge boost of confidence!

I've also been immensely frustrated with Microsoft Outlook lateley. Apparently, there is no way to edit the HTML source code for outgoing mail. In other words, I can't create a nice HTML ad like you would see from Amazon.com or Redbox.com. I can make one that is a single image, but not one with clickable links or pictures. Very frustrating. If anyone knows of a way to get around that, I would sure like to know.

Also, I'm trying to figure out Twitter. I signed up, but I'm not really sure how it is supposed to be a news source. I haven't figured out how to conveniently compile a list of commercial Twitter names to follow yet. Again, if anyone knows, I'd appreciate it.

I've been having a lot of depression issues lately. I think its related to the amount of stress I've been having lately. I also think, I might be developing stress-induced heartburn or an ulcer.

Okay, just took a stress test on healthcentral.com and I have a Score of 561. Over 150 is a 50/50 chance of developing an illness, Over 300 is a 90% chance. Ouch. I took two other different kinds of tests and one said I was just past well-adjusted into the mildly stressed category, and the other said I was okay. So, I have a lot of stress and am coping amazingly well considering the stress factors. Booyah. :p

Here is my rating of the best Media for Advertising:
Word of Mouth 10 points
Direct Mail 9
Magazines 8
Internet 8
E-Mail 8
Phone 8
Outdoor 7
PR 7
Newspapers 6
TV/Radio 3

Points were given out based on three criteria:
1-3 points for cost
0-4 points for effectiveness
0-3 points for measurability
The highest possible score is 10

Here's a break down:
Word of mouth -
Costs Nothing 3 points
Very Effective 4 points
Easy to Measure 3 points
Total: 10 points

Direct Mail -
Low Cost 3 points
Effective 3 points
Easy to Measure 3 points
Total: 9 points

Magazines -
Low cost 3 points
Effective 3 points
Measurable 2 points
Total: 8 points

Internet -
Low Cost 3 points
Low Effect 2 points
Easy to Measure 3 points
Total: 8 points

E-Mail -
Low Cost 3 points
Effective 3 points
Measurable 2 points
Total: 8 points

Phone -
Mid Cost 2 points
Effective 3 points
Easy to Measure 3 points
Total: 8 points

Outdoor -
Low Cost 3 points
Low Effect 2 points
Measurable 2 points
Total: 7 points

PR -
Low Cost 3 points
Very Effective 4 points
Not Measurable 0 points
Total: 7 points

Newspapers -
Low Cost 3 points
Low Effect 2 points
Hard to Measure 1 point

TV/Radio -
High Cost 1 point
Very Low Effect 1 point
Hard to Measure 1 point

This is all subjective of course, yet I belive it represents an accurate picture of the most effective ways to advertise. Consider this, most people have DVRs and Word of Mouth includes Viral Marketing...

This really bothered me. I can see the headlines now:

Jan. 20, 2009, Tuesday - Nation's Hospitals Flooded by Nerds with Forehead and Palm Injuries

C'mon! STAR TREK? How could you get the Force confused like that? IT IS THE CENTRAL DEVICE OF STAR WARS! Captains Kirk and Picard would be rolling on the floor at the mention of something like the Force. Or at least quirking eyebrows.

Darn it, Bishop! You made Obi-Wan cry!

I'll bet Bishop Jakes' son won't be able to show his face at his Dungeons & Dragons group for weeks.

I really liked this video. You should watch it.

Day 12 - I feel like a steam engine that is out of coal, out of wood, and grasping at straws. (How's that for a mixed metaphor?)

No creepy dreams last night. Phew!

OK, this is my 12th day working at my new job as Director of Marketing. I still don't know much about the products that we sell (they are highly technical and geared toward small-business owners, which I am not), but I've got a bare-bones basic idea of what they are in the big-picture sense. So, using that, I'm sending out the first blast of our monthly e-mail campaign. The campaign is designed to assist in upselling our current clients and users. During an economic downturn, selling more to your existing clients in considered easier than finding new ones. Economic pressure breeds distrust in buyers, so you should theoretically go after the ones who already have some trust in you.

Also, I've developed one of two mailers for an upcoming convention in late April. The convention is for the constituents of an industry in which we have our biggest market share. So, we are sending out a preliminary mailer sometime in the next month or so (the one I have almost finished developing) and a flashier one about two or three weeks before the convention. I'm excited about the convention, but I don't even know if I will be sent to it. I hope I am, but I don't know that it would make much business sense considering my limited product knowledge.

In any case, that is all I have really accomplished so far, and I feel I am running out of productive things to do.

I guess I could develop an ad to place in some of the trade magazines for the previously-mentioned industry that we serve.

I apologize for the ambiguity, but I don't want to get in trouble if my boss happens to stumble across this blog. It's my hide, I have to worry about it.

In non-work-related news, I have become addicted to podcasts, audiobooks, and webcomics. Don't worry, this love for time-wasting entertainment has been developing for a long time. Webcomics entered my life due to ungodly amounts of boredom during my previous employment and my inherently nerdy side. Spoken word entertainment, on the other hand, was born of two loves: story-telling or reading, and public radio.

I got into listening to public radio due to my incredibly geeky love for all things educational (I record nearly everything on the History and Discovery channels) and my disturbing tendency to fall asleep at the wheel on long driving trips (that story is a rather large can of worms so I'll relate it some other time). I noticed that public radio kept me from falling asleep while driving and always sucked me in. This could be because the human brain is able to easily tune-out music, yet can consistently become absorbed in others' conversations. Scientists have theorized that this is why some children have trouble listening to their mothers, because their voices are too musical (don't ask me which scientists, and I could be wrong about the listening-impared (not hearing-impared) people being children, it is some group, I promise).

After becoming a dedicated fan of public radio, I realized that, like every other American consumer, I was a little frustrated at my lack of control over the content; for example, the ability to pause, rewind, skip ahead, change the schedule, etc... Thus: I turned to podcasts. Just about everything on NPR and other forms of public programming are available in podcast form. This was a bit of a Eureka! moment for me. Since then, I have become especially addicted to Stuff You Should Know by the wonderful folks at HowStuffWorks.com. I have grown fond of listening to the fasinating articles covered by Josh Clark and Chuck Bryant. I listen to them every morning on the way to work, on the way home for lunch, on the way back to work, and on the way back home in the evening. My only lament is that I will soon run out of my plentiful supply of 15-20 minute Stuff You Should Know podcasts because they don't release them anywhere near the rate that I consume them. Bummer. You should definitely check it out: Stuff You Should Know by HowStuffWorks.com.

Handy-Man and his Dream

Hey folks!

We had a sales meeting today, and I was a little unprepared. I hadn't talked to my boss about the e-mail blast I had designed and so I hadn't yet gotten approval. Unfortunately, that would have been the only thing that I could have shown progress on. So that was a tad embarrassing. I did get approval after the meeting however, and thus eased my aching conscience.

In other news, we removed all of the trim boards from the outside of our house that were afflicted with wood rot, replaced them, and re-caulked the whole she-bang. We also found some folding doors for our closet at the Habitat for Humanity store. After some cleaning and fiddling with the adjustments, we now have fully-functioning doors to hide the mess of our closets! So now I feel handy like Bob Vila and a little manly to boot.

I've also been having strange dreams lately. One from the night before last will probably turn into a short story. Last night's was horrific:

-Disclaimer: This dream was pretty violent. Read at your own risk!

I was walking along the gloomy streets in some urban locale at twilight on a heavily cloudy day. The streets were cobble-stone giving the streets a look reminiscent of the tails of giant lizards. The buildings seemed old and I knew that they were all empty. I wandered into an alley and up some rickety stairs into a dark home. I was looking for something, but I cannot recall what.

The interior was gloomy and the only light came from a few windows and cracks in the walls of the building. I walked down a hallway and ended up in a kitchen. It was a dead-end so I turned around.

As I turned, I felt someone run into me. They grabbed me and pain shot through my right side. He was stabbing me! I pushed him back and turned to face him. He was a little taller than me -- about 6 feet or so -- with white-blond hair and vicious eyes. He was holding a long kitchen knife and looked like a predator who was enjoying dragging out the kill.

I tried to find something to fight him, but all I could find was a butter knife. My side hurt more than I'd ever experienced before.

It felt real. My side hurt for real. I'd been stabbed... for real!

The pain nauseated me. My guts felt like quivering jelly and my limbs began to feel weak. I tried to get past him and he stabbed me again in my left side. I feinted to the left and pushed him hard into the counter. I ran to the right around him and sprinted down the hallway back to the door.

When I arrived back outside, I ran into my Dad. He wanted to go inside and explore. I tried to keep him away and show him my wounds, but he just kept smiling and insisting that we go in and explore. Unaware of the danger, he pushed past me. I heard a noise and I knew that the predatory man -- the raptor -- had killed my Dad.

Devastated and no longer concerned for my well-being, consumed with rage and grief, I rushed in to kill the raptor man. As I went through the door, I woke to the remnants of pain and nausea. My side still felt the blade in each place I was stabbed while dreaming. Never before have I had a dream, a nightmare, so vivid and disturbing. Never before have I felt the effects of events in my dreams beyond waking. It was so disturbingly real that I had to share it with someone.

Lucky you.

Woah

So, this is my first blog in years.

Hi, little baby blog!

In similar news -- Hello, big old world!

I'm mostly writing this blog so I can keep up with my wife's posts on ours while I'm at work. While I'm here, I figure that I could chronicle the goings on at my new job.

The basic plot of this story is that I have a great new job that is a perfect fit for my degree, yet for which I feel wholly underqualified. I have the theories and ideas and talent, but no practical experience to funnel, hone and direct my raw cereberal energies. Thus: the title of this blog.